It’s a complicated thing to help friends work through and discuss issues of race. This can be especially true for Black people. Some days, it feels like a sacred calling. I know from experience the feeling of being in a board room or planning meeting and someone turns to me saying, “well Herman, you’re Black. What is the Black view on this issue?” In those moments the sacred calling can feel like a draining obligation. So, what do you do? Wisdom, not pride or guilt, must guide us in knowing when to lean in and when to set boundaries. Consider the following:
1. Set Healthy Limits
You are not obligated to be anyone’s crash course in racial awareness. If a conversation feels exploitative, exhausting, or unsafe, it’s okay, even necessary, to say, “I’m not in a place to discuss this right now.” Jesus Himself sometimes withdrew from the crowds. Self-care is not selfishness; it’s stewardship. At times it may be more helpful to point people towards professional coaching services designed to navigate issues related to race and culture.
2. Discern Teachable Moments
Not every question or comment is rooted in defensiveness. Some are sincere cries for understanding. When the Spirit nudges you to stay in the conversation, to patiently explain, or to vulnerably share your story, it’s a way of participating in Christ’s ministry of reconciliation.
3. Stay Anchored in Your Identity
You are not just someone’s “Black friend.” You are a beloved child of God, fully known and fully seen. Your worth is not dependent on how much you educate others, nor diminished when you choose silence.
Choosing when to engage and when to retreat requires both humility and discernment. It’s not about hardening our hearts or constantly pouring ourselves out. Sometimes wisdom says, “Let’s talk,” and sometimes it says, “Not today.”
Kathairo Solutions 
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